"Journal"

“If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker`s cry, the one without tears”

I. The beginning 
 

I was born amidst the purple waterfalls.
I was weak, yet not unblessed.
Dead to the world. Alive for the journey.

I dreamt all my future. Relived my past…

Remember when we used to look how sun sets far away
And how you said: "This is never over"?
I believed your every word and I guess you did too,
But now you're saying : "Hey, let's think this over"!

Cold was my soul

Untold was the pain

I faced when you left me

A rose in the rain...

”However cold the wind and rain
I'll be there to ease your pain.
However cruel the mirrors of sin,
Remember, beauty is found within!”

Bring me home or leave me be,
My love in the dark heart of the night!
I have lost the path before me,
The one behind will lead me.

“Forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you”

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter.

How can I ever feel again?
Given the chance would I return?

Where have all the feelings gone?
Why is the deadliest sin - to love as I loved you?
Now unblessed, homesick in time,
Soon to be freed from care, from human pain…

I witnessed the beauty of THE BEAST.

"Have you given up, my friend ?
Forgiveness be mine!"

I would be crying tears of laughter
If I could see me smile again.

Seems like I’m falling deeper, deeper inside myself,
Feels like I’m growing weaker, much weaker each day,
Along the path to decay.

A siren from the deep came to me,
Sang my name my longing.

Still I write my songs about that dream of mine
Worth everything I may ever be…

There are seven doors within my dreams
I've found them all, but still no key.

II. Oh, Lord, why the angels fall first?

I close my eyes for a second
And meet a fragile soul.
I scream to hide that I'm lonely…
The echo calls my name:

"Wake me up inside,
Call my name and save me from the dark,
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone,
Save me from the nothing I've become!"

If  I ever, if I never...
Make me want to stand up for whatever,
Make me see... Make me be...
Make me understand you're there for me!

"I missed the danger
I had to conquer
You made me feel alive.

I need you, Aquarius!

I need to be with you again!
I fear you, Aquarius…
My destiny 'till the end…"

All this time I can't believe YOU couldn't see…
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me!

You said: "hey, my love, I'm sorry but we can't go on 'cause
I'm in love with someone else".
Tell me, what do you want me to say
When you treat me this way?

And I think that I told you, I'd wait for you forever!
Now I know someone else's holding you...
So, for the first time in my life

I must lie - lie's a sin, mess that I am in -
Love is not the thing I feel know.

I promise you: I won't write again 'til the sun sets
Behind your grave!

"In my darkest hours I could not foresee
That the tide could turn so fast to this degree"

Time will show, the last word is for me

"Can't believe my eyes
How can you be so blind?
Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside?"

I wish that you could hate me,
Then things would be so easy!
Just get me off your mind!
So… hate me!

"There's an hour, there's a time…
Is this the end of the line?"

You may find me crying in the closet of your room.
What ghosts know only is how to come back.
My prison will claim me again and again...

 III. Once I had a dream …and this is it!

I've been left out alone like a damn criminal,
I've been praying for help cause I can't take it all,
I'm not done,
It's not over.

You give me your smile,
A piece of your heart.

You make me dream
By the look in your eyes.

You are the one I’ve been waiting for!

When you came into my life
The world was not the same,
Cause your love has found it’s way
Into my heart.

I want to love you but I better not touch.

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop.

I want to kiss you but I want it too much.

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous.

I see your beautiful smile and

I would like to run away from
Reflections of me in your eyes

Oh, please,
Talk to me, show some pity!
You touch me in many, many ways
But I'm shy can't you see?

How does it fell babe
To taste sweet revenge?
Do you want me on my knees?

How does it feel babe
To make a fool out of me?
How can you be so cold?

I need your love babe, don’t tell me "no way"!
Babe, I miss you so much more than words can say!

Sing once again with me
Our strange duet!
My power over you,

Grows stronger yet
And though you turn from me

To glance behind.
The Phantom of the opera is there,

Inside your mind.

You were my first love
The earth moving under me!
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent…

I know my dreams are made of you,
Of you and only for you!
Your ocean pulls me under,
Your voice tears me asunder,
Love me before the last petal falls!

Teach me passion for I fear it`s gone!
Show me love, hold the lorn!

”I`m sorry, time will tell!”

No love left in me
No eyes to see the heaven beside me
My time is yet to come
So I'll be forever yours.

My fall will be for you,
My love will be in you,
If you be the one to cut me
I will bleed forever.

Hug me till you drug me, honey
Kiss me till I'm in a coma!
Hug me, honey, snuggly bunny,
Love is as good as soma!

So you're an angel meant to walk down here
And you believe it's all divine
And you don't play by all those temporal rules,
You watch the world begin to die.

Follow me into the light

”Like ice on a lake of tears
I'll take you through”

Or leave me tonight
I've gone too far to begin all anew
With someone like you…

If you fail to see the problem we have, one room full of walls
I will cry until the last drop falls…

Let me say thank you for all that you have given me.
Thank you for everything you've done.
Forgive me for saying one last thing:
I miss you and I hope you hear this song!

Where is that silence you promised me?
Why is that distance so close to me?
Why is your violence still hurting me?
Why are your eyes avoiding me?

I feel you fading away…

You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wished they'd turn to real
You broke the promise
And made me realise
It was all just a lie…

Oh I love you, maybe
And I hope it goes away.

Maybe I'll wake up one day to notice
That all my life was just a dream...
And maybe I'll be better off without you
You left me here with all my thoughts

I'm dying for you, can't you see?
I'm lying for you to be free!
I hunger for you, 'cause I can't eat!
I'd vanish for you in defeat!

Oh I wish it was over,
And I wish you were here
Still I'm hoping that somehow …

“Come to me, what's the news?
Here I'm still left lonely…”

Oh, how I want you daily
Tell me now that...
I have found my hope in you
How Can I tell you no?
Time will show, the last word is for me.

I wish I could come back to you
Once again feel the rain,
Falling inside me,
Cleaning all that I've become.

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I`d give my everything.

But I see, can't have you, can't leave you,

There 'cause I must sometimes see you
And I don't understand how you can keep me in chains
And every waking hour,

I feel you taking power

From me and I can't live
Repeating the scenery over again.

I feel you fading away…

So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me…

For I know now, I'm a puppet on this silent stage show.
I'm but a poet who failed his best play.
And you... I wish I didn`t feel for you anymore...

There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

Until my last breath
You'll never know
Until you feel the silence
When I am gone
Now is vanishing
Everything
What we might have been…

All of my songs can only be composed of the greatest of pains.
Every single verse can only be born of the greatest of wishes.
I wish I had one more night to live…!

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter...Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better...Nymphetamine (girl)

Energize me with a simple touch
Or with an open heart!
Energize me, fire up this flame
That's burning between us (forever)

And I`ll be there when you say
“Time to never hold our love”
My fall will be for you,
My love will be in you,
You were the one to cut me,
So I'll bleed forever!

Somewhere in time I will find you and love you again,
Like the wind sweeps the earth.
Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend
You've fallen deep.
I was a liar in every debate,
I rule the forces that fueled your hate
When the cold in my heart leaves, it comes to an end
And quietly I'll go to sleep.

(No sympathy,
No eternity,
One light for each undeserved tear.
Beneath the candle bed,
Two souls with everything yet to be said.

The beauties sleeping awaiting

Deep in a dream

For true love`s first kiss.)

“Oh when did you become so cold?
All you need is to feel my love!
Search for beauty, find your shore,
Try to save them all, bleed no more,
You have such oceans within!
In the end
I will always love you!”

The beginning.